Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
