She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I currently don't understand fingers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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