i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
