dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
