I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
