It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
