this boner is exhausting
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
