Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
