I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
