he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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