No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
