So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
