Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize