i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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