tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How external is "for external use only"?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize