I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
