Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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