I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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