Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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