it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
