I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
