I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
