he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
