God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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