She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
