On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
