dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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