when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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