Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
