I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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