Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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