ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
