yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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