What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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