I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
