are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize