well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there's paper in my vomit.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
