and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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