What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
