I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
