I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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