i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
