well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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