but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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