You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
