I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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