youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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