we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
