I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize