update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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