Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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