I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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