we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
