Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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