i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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