Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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