Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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