WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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