you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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