What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
