Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
