he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
