The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
