So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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