I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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