But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
