i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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