You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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