please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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