Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
