my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
