he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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