Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
