i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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