I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
