so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
