Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
