One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Farmville is her only friend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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