I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
