dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
