I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
