What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
